NOTE: If expletives offend you, then don’t read this post. Otherwise, enjoy!
“I won’t just survive.
Oh you will see me thrive.
Can write my story.
I’m beyond the archetype.
I won’t just conform.
No matter how you shake my core.
Cause the roots, they run deep.
Oy ye of such little faith.
Don’t doubt it.
Don’t doubt it.
Victory is in my veins.
I will fight it.
I will fight it.
I will transform.”
Katy Perry – Rise
This past year has been hugely transformative for me.
Before I could see, feel and Be the Light, I had months of darkness. If you’ve been apart of my community for some time then maybe you’ve noticed that I haven’t written an email like this for a while.
Maybe you’ve noticed that I kind of disappeared.
There’s a reason for that.
I lost my mojo.
I lost my mojo because my marriage ended.
I’ve taken my time to wade through the feelings; to do the work to heal (still in progress) and am now ready to share. Why now?
Because every time I post something I feel like I’m lying. I feel like I’m hiding a secret.
I don’t like secrets.
And because I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I suspect you aren’t either.
Now before I go on, this blog post isn’t about my marriage ending, because that would be self-serving and I assume you have better things to do with your time than read about my personal life…
This email is about how I got my mojo back after a life changing event.
I’m sharing my ‘year of transformation’ because I can only assume that you’ve been through (or are going through) some shit too. Life is hard. Building a business from scratch is very hard (and very rewarding), especially when you don’t live in an isolated bubble.
We’ve all got shit to deal with…
Kids. Kids with special needs. Trying to have kids.
Aging parents. Death.
Non-supportive spouses, friends and family.
A full time, soul-sucking job.
Being in a marriage that doesn’t serve you.
Here’s what I believe to be true: the only thing we can control is how we handle any given situation. I believe that we hold the power to choose where we end up and how we feel about it.
I’ve learned some important lessons this past year that may help you… take what resonates and leave the rest behind. My intention is to be of service, to share my experiences with you so that you can feel less alone and feel empowered to make the best possible choices that are right for you, so that you LOVE where you end up. Today, tomorrow, in 5 years from now.
And if you are going through some stanky shit of your own, I want you to know that you’ve got this.
You are a badass! You won’t just survive. You will thrive – if you choose to.
Lesson # 1: Get very clear on who you are – your core values are everything.
When I first started this whole online journey I was given some sage advice from one of my mentors Craig Ballantyne. He told me to create rules for my life and stick to them no matter what.
He told me to think carefully about the kind of person I wanted to be, because at the end of the day I was the only one I had to face in the mirror. Deciding early on what kind of person I wanted to become, what I would and wouldn’t tolerate and what I would and wouldn’t sacrifice has served me every single minute of every single day since.
Committing to becoming the person I want to be (the person that I’ve become) helped me sit with pain, sadness and loneliness instead of numbing it away. It helped me reach out for help even though asking for help isn’t my strong suit. It helped me to be vulnerable and to let go of all of the little things that didn’t matter so that I could focus on myself and do the work I needed to do to get my mojo back.
I value ‘doing the work’ no matter how gut wrenching because that IS WHO I AM. I face things head on. It’s a choice. A choice I made over and over again this past year.
Let me ask you, who do you have to become to be the person you want to be? How far apart are those two people now?
What work do you need to do on yourself so that you can feel like you are living in alignment with your core values?
How you do anything is how you do everything.
Lesson #2 – Act in a way that your future self would be proud.
If your future self was sitting beside you on the couch right now, would she/he be proud of you?
It’s not easy to take the high road, to say no, to actually put yourself first, to quit your job, to walk away… to do the thing that you know in your gut is right, but really hard.
You have two choices…
Choice A: Take the easy way out and pay the price emotionally, personally, financially for the rest of your life.
Choice B: Do what you know in your gut is the right thing to do and stand up for yourself.
When shit hit the fan back in December, my hustle sister and close friend Stephanie Joanne told me to “behave in a way that your future self would be proud of.”
That single sentence transformed the way I handled the last seven months and will undoubtedly be responsible for the way I handle the rest of my life.
Maybe you aren’t standing up for yourself and taking the time you need each day to build your business because (insert your excuse reason here.)
Maybe you are doing the “one foot in, one foot out” dance because you don’t really believe in yourself… or because other people around you think you’re crazy.
Maybe you are so busy being busy that you are neglecting to do the real work that will push you forward because you are scared.
Maybe you aren’t doing the personal work or financially investing in your business because you are waiting for permission from someone else.
Whatever your reason is, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that time is ticking. I assume you are putting enough pressure on yourself but just remember this:
Behave in a way that your future self would be proud of.
Lesson #3 – Surround yourself with people who ‘get it’, who push you and support you unconditionally.
I instinctively knew back in 2012 when I invested $20,000 that I didn’t have into a high level mastermind that it was going to be one of the best life-changing decisions I’d ever make… and I wasn’t wrong.
My people, my blacksheep, my entrepreneur friends and specifically my team (Jessica and Michelle) kept me on course. It wasn’t easy to ask for help, but I did, because I knew I needed it… I have a company to run and two kids to love and take care of. Falling apart for days on end wasn’t an option.
I needed to be held accountable to daily and weekly goals when I couldn’t focus. I asked my team to take over when I would slip into the ‘divorce abyss.’ And they did… every single time.
Does that mean I didn’t fall apart some days… of course I did. I fell apart plenty. And still do.
I just didn’t let it consume me for too long because I’ve got goals, big plans and a vision for my future that I will reach.
If you are in a fragile state… seek out your own black sheep and a team to back you up. Find people who truly ‘get it’, who push you and will support you unconditionally. Ask for support in The Wellness Business Hub Facebook group.
“Your success is the sum average of the 5 people you most associate with.” – Jim Rohn.
Lesson #4 – Let your vision of your future pull you out of the darkness.
Do you have a clear, written down vision for your future – for your business, for your relationships and for your financial future? The HOW isn’t important, it’s the clarity of the vision that matters.
I know exactly where I’m going and how I want to feel. How I get there is irrelevant… that will unfold exactly as it should with time.
In the moments of darkness, I needed the Light. I needed something to strive for, to work towards… something that felt good. My vision for my future pulled me out of the darkness.
Having a vision of where you want to end up (in business and in life) and how you want to feel both during the journey and once you get there gives you focus. The vision is your end-game. Once you have it you can reverse engineer how you’re going to get there.
My vision statement allowed me to assess what business and personal support I needed to make sure I stayed on track. Because of my clearly defined vision for my life I was able to make quick decisions and know where to invest in my business and where to pull back.
“If you are working on something exciting, that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you” – Steve Jobs.
Lesson #5 – Give yourself a fucking break!
Look, I’m human. You’re human. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. I don’t want to be perfect.
Some days are just meant for #netflixandchill while eating an entire bag of Chicago Mix popcorn with a can of Diet Coke (don’t judge… I was going through a divorce.)
Just do me a favor, OK? Stop with the martyr bull shit. It’s not helping anyone… specifically you.
It’s destroying your adrenal glands too!
It’s more than ok to have a bad day. It’s more than ok to ask for demand help.
Have a good ol’ fashioned pity party with streamers and hats if that’s what you need. But every good party comes to an end. If you’ve got kids parties are usually from 2 – 4pm.
So give yourself two hours and sit in pity, really feel it. Then get up, dust yourself off and move on. Do the work you were put on this earth to do like the badass that you are.
There were plenty of days where I only did the work I really needed to do… maybe it took me 30 minutes or three hours. Other days I worked 15 hours straight. When I needed to cry, I cried. When I needed to walk because I couldn’t be in my own skin, I walked.
I think the most important lesson this last year has taught me to is to give myself a fucking break; to slow the fuck down and #netflixandchill every once and awhile.
By the way, if you’re looking for a new Netflix show I highly recommend Grace & Frankie.
Life goes on. Until it doesn’t.
So if you’ve lost your mojo… it’s ok. It will come back…I promise.
Chose to do the work to ignite it.
I want you to look back and be proud of the way you spent your time. I want you to be proud of the person you worked so damn hard to become. I want you to enjoy being Self Made.
You deserve to live your purpose… all on your own terms because you are a Badass (with a capital B).
Never forget that!
With love & inspired hustle,
Lori (still Kennedy).